deceitful truth

I cut til I bleed
can feel no pain
just numbness
I’ll be what you want me
as long as you promise
to tell me lies
so I can go to bed at night
don’t fade away
I promise I’ll be good
just stay and keep me company
afraid of the light
that claims to not be darkness

Break

Can you hear me breaking?
listen closely cause I am
still can’t hear it?
well I have a mask on
and I’ve fooled everyone, even myself
even though I may seem happy, I am not
and I’ve been like this for a while
do you hear it now?
I’m crashing to the floor
crying for something more
Shhh! listen again
I’ve completely broken apart now
won’t anyone help clean me up?
I guess I’ll just sit here
haunted by memories good and bad
I’ll try to rebuild myself
but the tape just puts more marks
the glue ran out and anything else hurts
so I guess I’ll sit here alone

Repeat

I’m sitting here
my mind going in circles
thinking about the past, present and future
wishing my life away
not really caring about things
that maybe I should be
trapped in two worlds
the world I want it to be
and the world I’m living in
once you get older
you realize how nothing is ever easy
a slap in the face
stupid me, foolish you
I’m beginning to slip into a hole
a hole that doesn’t seem to end
or maybe it just doesn’t want to

Idealist

Is it that simple?
well you make it seem that way
don’t get me wrong
I don’t hate you, I loathe you
see there’s a difference
you always look so perfect
while everything seems to go wrong for me
let me drown in music
let me leave reality and visit my world
only for a short while
Is that so much to ask?
well is it?
watch the way, my mind is never in the present
always in the past
cause the present sucks and I have no future
sad isn’t it? maybe
so leave me in a world I call home
that makes sense to me